Saturday, January 07, 2006

The Meme of Seven: Delusional, obsessive, potential stalker edition

Finally, I'm obeying the Countess' command and responding to her Meme of Seven. Some of my answers are actually serious.

Seven things to do before I die:

1. Make a long, meandering cross-country trip like the one John Steinbeck took for Travels With Charley.

2. Have a beautiful deathbed conversion.

3. Spend a month or two in each of the four places I listed as places I would like to visit on an extended vacation when I answered The Meme of Four.

4. Post a nude picture of the blonde on this page---if I do manage this one it will be before I die which will happen one minute after she finds out I did it.

5. Write a play and see it produced professionally.

6. Own another dog.

7. Tango by moonlight on a beach with Uma.

Seven things I cannot do:

1. Speak Japanese.

2. Eat my own cooking with any pleasure, even though I'm a pretty good cook when I put my mind to it.

3. Draw as well as I would like.

4. Always get what I want. But if I try real hard, I get what I need.

5. Remember birthdays soon enough to get a card out in time.

6. Tell you how I really feel.

7. Convince Uma that our love is so fine and good that it need not be bound by any rules or boring conventions like marriage.

Seven things I say most often:

1. "Uma? Oprah. Oprah? Uma."

2. "Neat!" As in "Shakespeare's Sister is really neat!" Alternatively, I say "swell."

3. "For crying out loud!" Usually after I have tripped over something, sat on something, discovered something, or been hurt by something that should not have been left where it was but should have been put in the trash, on a shelf, back up in their rooms, or left outside where it belongs.

4. "Yes, dear. You're right, dear. Whatever you say, dear." For some reason this never gets me out of trouble.

5. "Anyone seen my glasses?"

6. "Coffeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!"

7. "More coffeeeeeeee!!!!!"

Seven books I love:

1. David Copperfield.

2. Dombey and Son.

3. Bleak House.

4. Little Dorritt

5. The Pickwick Papers.

6. A Christmas Carol.

7. Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. (Think about it.)

Seven Movies I Watch Over and Over:

1. Pulp Fiction.

2. Dangerous Liaisons.

3. The Truth about Cats and Dogs.

4. Mad Dog and Glory.

5. Henry and June.

6. Beautiful Girls.

7. Casablanca. (Hah! You thought I was going to say Batman & Robin, didn't you? Sorry. I'm not that obsessed.)

Seven Songs I Play Over and Over Again:

1. Bing singing White Christmas.

2. Bobby Darin singing Mack the Knife.

3. Bruce singing...well...anything, but I guess mainly Glory Days.

4. Frank singing...well...anything, but mainly Fly Me to the Moon.

5. I Don't Want to Gome Home by Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes.

6. Various arias from The Barber of Seville as sung by Bugs and Elmer. "Let me cut your mop! Let me shave your crop! Daiiiiiiiin-tillllll-eeee!"

7. (Last Night) I Didn't Get to Sleep at All by the 5th Dimension. (If Uma could sing, she'd sound just like Marilyn McCoo, don't you think?)

Seven things that attract me to...blogging:

1. Memes like this that allow me to indulge my obsession for Uma in a way that most of you will mistake for just a weak attempt at humor.

2. The ability to post pictures of Uma whenever I want.

3. The ease with which I can type the word Uma.

4. Writing reviews of movies that star Uma.

5. The opportunity to pick on Quentin Tarantino for being as obsessed with Uma as I am but not being able to think of anything interesting to do about his obsession except to put her in an unflattering yellow track suit and let her be outacted by the likes of David Carradine.

6. The possibility that Uma might Google herself one of these days and say, "Tangoing on the beach by moonlight with Lance Mannion! That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard! Honey, I want a divorce!"

7. The great people and you all know who you are, now get out of here, you knuckleheads.

Seven people I want to join in too:

1. Uma.

2. Uma.

3. Uma.

4. Uma.

5. Uma.

6. Uma's mom.

7. Adorable Girlfriend, Red Tory, Matt Duss, Earl Bockenfeld, MadKane, The Viscount, Carla.

And, as always, anyone else who wants to play on their blogs or in the comments is encouraged to do so.


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